Sailing the two boats

I never thought that ­writing about myself can be so difficult, and that too when you have to impress the reader. I have started reasoning out with myself for the content of the essays that I have to write for applying to colleges using my mediocre GMAT score. In the meanwhile, while I write this, it’s raining heavily outside, I am not hungry (very strange, as I just had nothing after a light lunch), and I am just sitting here all cozied up under the blanket and trying to convince myself to write something on my past life, which would sound interesting to anyone and everyone who reads it. Like always I lost my attention in the middle of it, and instead started doing, what I do best, that is think and write about something else. Anyways, I thought the opportunity is good enough to retrospect on few things, which I realize and conclude from my life, the decisions I have made, and the consequences that have brought me here. Let’s try some humor here, I will try, but I can’t promise anything  :P. So here it goes.

I will not go much further down the history here, can’t kill you all with the boring school talks ehh? So it was in 9^th standard that I had faced a severe dilemma, I use the word “severe” because it indeed was at that time, at that moment. We were asked to choose one elective based on language which was either Hindi or Sanskrit. I being a mediocre (I find a joy now a days to call myself that) would have loved to just stay native to my native language, Hindi, But, alas! Destiny had some other plans for me, My first childhood crush happened to choose Sanskrit, and it was disastrous for me at that time, my younger self wouldn't have agreed at that time, if you would have questioned him on that day. But, now I can assume that the details can be made public, with no associated risks at all. So yes, since Ms. “pehla pyaar” happened to take Sanskrit, I like an idiot had to somehow convince myself to tread a territory in which I sucked big time. To cite some records, I had never scored more than 50% marks in any of the Sanskrit tests before, so you can understand, how much I hated that subject. Nevertheless, I took the leap of faith on my whimsical fantasies of at-least seeing my crush everyday on classroom, but boy I did pay the price. That was one of the very first instances, when I was moved away from comfort zone (in the field of academics that is). Those were 2 long torturing years with Sanskrit and my crush. Torturing because, I didn’t get through anyone of them. So how should I conclude, this very small chapter for you guys, I hope I didn’t bore you here. The thing that followed was, I got 90% marks in 10^th board finals, for Sanskrit. How did I do it? Not that it is that big an achievement, but the confidence was key to success here. I never seized to believe that it can’t be done; I jusnt mindlessly studied whatever I could, and gave the exam. The fruits were there to see. Nevertheless what about the main motive?, what did I do about the crush?. The answer is nothing; I just didn’t do anything about it. That was the day, it began, sailing in 2 boats and becoming the captain of none.

The captain or the crew story took a new chapter when I took bio-maths as my stream for +2, again from the name of it, I wanted to become doctor, for which , I took biology, and for the maths part, I just thought, It would strengthen my physics a bit. A complete honest choice at that time, nothing about being in 2 minds here, I always wanted to be a doc! All the lab courts and bacteria somehow excited me at that time. But, then again, the dilemma stuck at the time of competitive exams, oh the dreade

This dude! seems to be pretty good at doing it! I am not though.
PS : He is Ajay Devgan

d exams, I filled at-least 10-11 forms, half of which were medical and other half of engineering (just in case you know :P). My father and I had a hard time understanding the results/ranks of these exams; the frog in the well was playing with the bulls on a grass field here. I was no-match for the kota-trained question solving machines. To cut the long story short here. My results sucked, and sucked bad. I got not even close to getting admissions in medicine. I could have opted for studying the tooth- fairy science (DENTAL), but no, that was just too common and a last resort for the fallen medical aspirants. However, you guessed it right; I managed pretty decent ranks for the engineering streams. So what did I do? Simple, what every indian seems to be doing now a days. Become an Engineer.

Well, I came to Manipal, it’s was definitely not a bad place, definitely not a place where I made a compromise of any sort. It was awesome there. However, the thoughts of studying about mitochondria and Darwinism took a back stage and was nowhere seen in the agenda of my life, things were different than what I planned it to be. ­It just reminded me, that compromises are part of life, I somehow manage to get something very different from what I originally intend to do, which in any ideal proverbial world, is wrong to do. The principles of Confucius disagree with my kind of approach. Nevertheless, I suppose it’s the reality, I can never plan out the results in its entirety, no one can. It was a lesson, I taught to myself, in those days, to justify my actions and choices. All in all, Manipal was awesome, no second opinion on that, I went through some life changing transition in my personality, met some of the finest people ever, and had a life to reminisce for a long time. To conclude a very stupendous chapter of my life here, Manipal was the golden era, a time of learning, achievements, love and everything what a college life should be. But what followed was different, difficult, unchartered territory yet again.

The cumulative effect of the past compromises, bit me hard on my ass, but here again, my life surprised me with the beautiful ironies. Yet again, I was in two minds, I was into full-fledged, research and development, a sensational orgy of a work for the college grads (not with the penthouse suite though, the job doesn’t pay much). I cherished the work that I had, but my cursed mortal brain, had its allegiance somewhere else, yet again. I for all the things in the world, wanted to do an MBA!. Not a bad choice, I could write paragraphs here justifying in every possible way, why It could be the next best logical move of my career, but at the back of my mind, I realise the bandit, here. I am riding two motor boats again, in completely different sea at this time and I frankly am struggling this time around. However, a new slant, a new thing, a very bright change indeed is in the way I am approaching it right now. I definitely am sure about what I want to do (as in the degree wise, I wouldn’t bore you with purpose of life here), but the perplexity doesn’t seem to end here. In plain simple words, it’s Difficult.

And I am indeed being a cry baby about it, writing it everywhere and in every possible way. hehehe. It not yet over though.

This time, this very time, I will try my best, a self-motivated promise to keep with myself. There will be no compromise here, there will not be any “patli gali” and for sure there shall not be anything/anyone keeping me for trying hard here. This one time, I will be honest with myself and this one time will be for the first time and hopefully for the life time. J

Wait wait! Don’t go yet! The whole thing is not at all humorous, I guess it’s the shittiest humour write up ever written, but that’s alright, I made you guys read it all, that’s gonna count for something right. Give me some points for it will ya?