The chit-chats of a well fed mind..

So here we are, two years later from all the chaotic days. With MBA done, high paying job secured and love life sorted, the hunt for the next best thing is on. I regret not being able to write anything in these last 2 years. I guess happy days just don’t create the right environment for introspection and writing. Not that I am complaining about the current times, but suddenly it feels different. I am unsure of how things will unfold in coming days. Moving to Hyderabad was a different experience. I wanted to forcefully love the city for its closeness to my home and its affordability. But on the contrary, the initial days in the city frustrated me, toppled my cushy #LifeatIsb and reminded me of the realities of life. 

Furthermore, lately I am realizing that clouds of confusion that always haunted me are clearing. The almighty question of how will I go back home seems to be solved in an unsettling fashion. I guess the answer was always hidden under the wraps of compromise; either from me or my parents. In the fore sight I see this compromise happening from the latter. 

Time flew by so quickly that I have now spent 9 years away from home. Consequently, when I go home it feels like another life and the further I go I come to realize - home is where friends and family live. My friends are all gone from my hometown. My father is retiring at the end of this month. These are all such major milestones in someone’s life that I feel numb thinking about them. I always thought that my father will go to office at 9am in the morning till eternity. I always had a comfort factor that my school friends will be there when I go home. But now everything is different. As the age old saying goes – Change is the only constant and I somehow feel old enough to think that I am seeing them in my personal life.

I lost a dear friend few months ago to a freak incident. The uncharacteristic and non -eventful remorse I felt made me angry at heart. I felt disconnected. I could feel sad for 5 minutes thinking about my friend and very conveniently forget about him when the topic was diverted. Are we the modern, city dwelling folks so immune to our past? The numbness - is it natural? How to feel remorseful for some incident that doesn’t affect my life in any manner possible? I am lost in translation. Similarly, I see my parents ageing in front my eyes, the frequency of hospital visits increasing and the number of medicines multiplying. The cycle of life seems to have turned just too fast. I have self-doubts on whether I will be able to handle the new responsibilities thrown at me. Maybe, the wiser me will reflect on current thoughts and would have figured out a way two years down the line, but as of now I am as clueless as I can be.

Lately, I also think that I am more attached with the ground realities. I think of whether I should buy a flat, or when to marry or what medical insurance to buy. The job sucks up my daily cognitive juice and to chase fitness is something which I am yet to figure out. The travel and health blogs are highlight of my day and bane of my existence. The aspirations are still alive but they are much more subdued. The past dreams still linger, but they are haunted by the financial truths of life. The short trips to home and to silly tourist destinations have become something to look forward to. Overall, this crazy circle continues – of expectations, of goals, of dreams and of disappointments. The mundane is the new reality – I don’t seem to escape it. Wise men say that find something that you love and let it kill you. I rather find the logic flawed – for I believe that the process itself will kill you. Maybe, just maybe the trick lies in finding a way to live with the mundane.