pessimist v/s optimist

                                                            Quite long ago….

I am a looser with a second last rank in the class, nobody seems to notice me, my handwriting is filthy; I am not able to fill up even a simple application form. Teachers don’t bother even to acknowledge if I complete my homework. My friends are as common as I am, I just hang out with them, some bully usually comes and takes away my tiffin. The world is not nice, school is hell, not that I cry every day for going there but still, nothing motivates me to go to school, that’s the pessimist me, not satisfied with anything, but I don’t know the meaning of satisfaction, I like chocolates and don’t like yellow dal, my favorite thing which comes in the tiffin is paratha and tomato chutney, my mom makes them really good. I am growing, I don’t know what is happening, I simply don’t care.

12 years ago…..

I like the friends who come with me in my rickshaw, shyam, the rickshaw puller is very good by nature, I like him. I sit on the back of rickshaw, which is a very coveted place as all the boys want to sit there, but sonu always makes sure that I sit along with him.We call our royal seat as “taap”, its fun while going to school. I am still unknown in class, people still don’t know me, I got 21^st rank in the last quarterly examination, I have begun to like my handwriting, it now seems comparable to my sister’s writing, I still get tiffin, and favorite is still tomato chutney, it still tastes the same. Now I don’t like to go to tuition, it starts at 3:00 clock in the afternoon, I don’t think I learn anything there, leena teacher always slaps hard and she has rings in all her fingers; I don’t like her, I want to run away from tuition but papa says I can’t since there is no good teacher who can teach good English, my papa pays her extra money so as to teach me and my sister good English, but in reality she herself doesn’t know anything. My best friend is sohail in class; we play lot of cricket in the drill period and during tiffin time. I still don’t know why I don’t like to study, I like to fly kites, whole year I wait for summer vacations so that I can fly kites they are the best thing for playing. During summer vacations, I get up at 6 am in the morning to fly kites, and again start flying from 4pm in the evening till 6pm , after that I always go and watch Disney hour on sony channel. I feel, kite flying is the thing, I can always do, Can I become a kite flier ? I promise I will buy the best manza and biggest kite when I start to earn.

7 years ago…..

I like my new sir, he never beats me for anything and he always speaks in English, I participate in lot of speech competitions and I am confident, that I can beat anyone in the school. I come first in the class, not once but many times, I am the favourite of all teachers, and even principal sister knows me. My favourite subject is science, I am very tall, tallest in the class or say fourth tallest in the entire school, I hate it, doesn’t suite my first-in-class image. I don’t have many friends now, I feel that people don’t talk to me much, rather most of them hate me, some say that I am a very proud guy and my maths is very weak. I prove them wrong every time, I teach anyone who comes to my home. There is one girl in my class, I like her, I like her since class 6^th, but now I think I like her more. I dream of her coming to my home once, and I can talk to her for long, without anyone seeing us talking. I want to be a doctor, I watch lot of discovery channel and I have lot of extra-knowledge in every field, and somehow I like to show it off. I study a lot, my school is now affiliated to CBSE, and everyone says it’s the best. Soon my board exams will come, and for that I have to study very hard, I have to score above 90%. I have to study; I like to study, as it makes me famous.

5 years ago…..

I gave lot of competitive exams, got very bad ranks, my father is very disappointed, he thought that since I top in school, I should have got very good rank in all medical as well as engineering exams, but I failed, we travelled to every big city in India for giving exams, but didn’t get good rank in any of them. I don’t want to take a drop, my sister harsha got really depressed after taking the year break. I got a decent rank in manipal UGET. I like the college, it’s beautiful, and I ask everyone on orkut, they say the placements are very good here. I feel good here, I almost cry when my father leaves me in hostel and I don’t know anyone around here. I start off with the first day at college, I like it here, it’s just beautiful.

Now….

I see the world now, I earn decent enough, but somehow still doesn’t seem to be enough. I realise that I have not fulfilled my promise of buying the best manza and kite after starting to earn. I like coffee, I waste lot of money on it, also I am preparing for yet another race of life, have to study a lot for that, not sure what will happen. I walk, the lonely one, but it’s a drama, no such philosophy in real life, it’s just going with the flow, I have dreams, I see them with open eyes; I reminisce my old self again and again, I guess it happens with everyone. I started off with being a pessimist and now I feel, well I don’t feel anything , I am neither pessimist nor optimist, just have been realist. I want to go back; I don’t want to think so much about everything, the flow of life was better before, mindless, innocent, smooth. I don’t get to eat the paratha and chutney now, I miss it; I miss lot of things. I want to go home, drink hot tea, sit and chat with maa, sleep and just relive everything. The “now” is not good, I am sleepy….

Intense gloomy write up! Please don’t mind the tenses used, it’s just point of view…