Where am I?

The intense dilemma that we call life, has presented itself in a way that neither I sensed or realized, it just happened. Am I the author of this? Did I see myself where I am just 2 years back? Have I achieved even a small goal? The life seems to be much more general and humane than it did a year ago, why!? Asks the conscience. I have no answers. But yes few thoughts which define the way things are going, narrating about the future it creates.

The old tales defining the pleasure of “taking the lonely road” seems ancient now. Where ever I go and however I change myself. I find another few set of people who are same. I am not talking about personalities here, they always differ, but the gist lies in the actions you take. No longer it’s the special one that takes you away from the herd, which defines you, gives you a motive. The life has become what I can define in a nutshell “phenomenal mediocrity”. Phenomenal cause it still presents you with infinite opportunities and mediocre cause it’s just one more brick in the wall. Today I have the power to buy the things which seem important. I earn now, enough to satisfy my whims of materialistic desires, but not enough to feed my inflated ego, whatever I have achieved seems to be average, I tend to draw very less happiness from it, cause  somehow I feel that it’s just not good enough. Yes I have high hopes from myself, but when did it became wrong to have self expectations!?

 I always wanted to write, if my mind just becomes stable, and reading the above two paragraphs I again feel that I lost in the middle. The thought that came faded away before I could scribe down into words. The mind, I have come to the conclusion is a nasty thing to control, once a thought enters that doesn’t match with what you intend to achieve, everything is destroyed. Yes the same thought that gives inspiration also has the power to destroy it to shreds. Again reading the whole thing gives me an idea that everything is directionless. I myself don’t know what I am writing, a confused, maze pattern with no objectivity. But then a sense of relief dawns over my troubling mind, as I sit in my gallery, with my laptop enjoying the soothing breeze, that yes it’s the confusion that haunts me, takes some time to realize it, aha! But yes, the dilemma it is, and this piece of note comes out with flying colors, as it doesn’t describe what I intend to say, but ironically represents my state of mind. CONFUSED.